It was actually a phone call and a Facebook message yesterday that brought light to my blessings.The phone call was from an old friend from prison.And i had to remind myself of the five Thanksgivings that ,although surrounded by people i chersih dearly, was Thanksgiving of a different breed.I remember being thankful that unlike some of my friends i was not serving a life sentence.That unlike others i knew i wasnt suffering an addiction.And unlike family members i had lost,i was alive.O how very much more i have to be thankful for this year.
The Facebook message was from a lover and friend who is deployed right now. And i had to remind myself that although i wished for more in my life i was not in a warzone.Compared to my brother and my friends all deployed my life was gravy. Although i wished this man on the other end of the message and I were in a place to be more serious.That i could somehow confess to being madly in love with him. That i could change myself into someone he deserved to be with. I have so very much to be thankful for.
Then i had to remember that this time last year i was recovering from an abortion and a suicide attempt. I had just ran from my pains to Kansas. My brother and his wife had saved me by calling me up. I was spending Thanksgiving with a man that would later give me an std and then swear it was the other way around hence destroying my name to my brother and his company. I was learning to feel sexy by being a slut and hence destroying all relationships with my family.So once again this year i have so much more to be thankful for.
Its hard most of the time to keep in mind how much can change in short periods of time. Hell just four months ago i was walking into an adoption agency that i knew nothing about,terrified to speak to anyone let alone build friendships. I was looking at profiles and trying to decide how to know who was meant to raise my baby. I was googling open adoption and questioning everyone i could on the Abrazo Forum. Now i am getting visits and pictures of my son. I am excited to text my friend and not just Rileys mom.I am realizing the blessing god has bestowed via great,motivational people in my life through Abrazo.I am grasping the new passion in my life of Open adoption.
I got to cook Thanksgiving feast with my baby sister who is my best friend.It was nice i felt like a real family and a good big sister.I didnt feel like the ex convict,unable to mother,jobless bum big sister i felt like a normal big sister.We laughed and played and it made the best memories.
So this thanksgiving i have so very much to be thankful for.Looking back over time this is the best Thanksgiving yet.And i know with the mindset all this new positivity brings me its just the first of many! Where were YOU last year this time?Or two,five,ten years ago? Food for thought.
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