So i was a size 6 when i found out i was pregnant. I am now (8 weeks post delivery) a size 16 comfortably. This depresses me to no extent. My first pregnancy i went from 130 pounds to 195 pounds. I lost the weight completly after 9 months. Prison helped alot. Youd be surprised how much a 5 year conviction will shed pounds like water.
But alas this time i must do it the long hard healthy way. I make myself go for a run when im bored. I never make more than 3 miles ; and the last mile and half are more a brisk jog. I mostly starve myself. Or rather try to fill up on coffee. I get so obsessed with losing weight and working out i make myself sick. My somewhat boyfriend comes home in a couple months from deployment. And i am terrified to the point of vomitting if i think.about it too much. I was super small when he left...pregnant and all. Hes used to dating super skinny girls. I am not even close to super skinny now. I think how will he look at me? Will he be as sickened as i am? These thoughts lead to more not eating,long hard runs until i cant breath or move, and lots of vomiting.
Sure id love to lose weight and become healthy for me and for Laci. But the man id wish to spend the rest of my life with not being able to kiss me is a big motivator too. Losing baby weight is not easy. Getting those stomach muscles back tight sucks. And it takes more than a few months. But i have decided to put my mindset that im in bootcamp. Military basic training. I shall be my own drill sergeant. After all we are our own worst critic right? ;)
Im going to double my water intake. My protein intake will double. And carbs and sugars (including soda and sugar in my coffee) will be eliminated. Im going to run in the morning and at night even if i only make a mile its something. Im going to jumprope for an hour at lunchtime and youtube core and strength workouts.
It may be hard but im making this my obsession. I will keep ya'll posted on my progress...wish me luck ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment