Sisterly love

So i got news today that my Great Aunt is dieing of lung cancer. My Grandmas baby sister. The sister that has the same calm,positive upbeat personality as my baby sister. She was diagnosed yesterday with an unknown amount of time to live. She was a heavy smoker for many years so its not surprising. Ive never met her,but hearing my mom explain i got a sickness in my gut relating to if i ever lost Lacers.
  I told my mom i could never die slowly of cancer. Id kill myself. Mostly because i have no doubt my sister will be a huge success in life and if i was ever diagnosed she would give up everything to care for me. Id never do that. Die slowly and know its slowly killing her too. My moms response was "well then you better quit smoking now because this makes two people in my family that will have died of lung cancer.You cant kill yourself it would kill her more. The last time you tried to when i told her you were in the hospital a piece of her shattered. You just gotta quit smoking if thats your plan."

    Good point mom. Its funny how much Laci inspires me to do better and be better and she never even knows it. She started eating healthy and excercising last summer and watching her enthusiasm i wanted to eat better and excercise. I will admit i havent given it my all yet;as is a given by the fact that i still smoke. She still plants that little seed in my mind that i want to be like her. How odd huh the older sister wanting to be like the baby sister? Isnt it suppose to be the other way? Maybe thats part of it; I want to be a better person because she is such a great person. She deserves to have a better rolemodel.
   I was so depressed yesterday my mom brought me to spend the night with them. And it only took ten minutes with Laci and my ribs hurt from laughing so much. She is truely the sunshine of my life. And everyone elses life she touches. We studied for her many tests until 2am! And i thought it wasnt long enough. I miss her when im home alone. I miss the sunlight.
Ive had two children in my life. Both adopted in some manner. And i love them with all i am. But when i hear people talk about that overwhelming love they have in their children i relate it to my love for my sister. She is my best friend. I love her to a point that i could never fully express it. Which i suppose is another reason to be a better person. To express my love in actions not words. To become healthy,happy and successful.

     During my pregnancy with R she was my support. When i chose adoption she helped me research. She spent all night looking at the parent in waiting profiles with me. When i got depressed that i couldnt keep him she cheered me up with the fact that id still be in his life. She told me i was brave and strong for chosing adoption for him,and i believed her. When i came home from the hospital and i just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry forever she got me up and took my mind off the pain. Shes the one that hangs Rs pictures on her wall. And i know one day R will adore her as everyone does.She will give him a great rolemodel. (from my side of his family tree)
    Im not a dumb or ugly person by any means. But in comparison to my sister i dont hold a shadow of her intelligence or beauty...inside or out. I never believed genuinly good people existed until Laci started growing up. She is genuinly good hearted,happy go lucky,see the best in everyone and everything,feel deep empathy for others even strangers....she is hands down THE best person ive ever known. Even in her "down" moments of usual girlie moodiness she is a sweetheart that would do for everyone else before herself.
I want to be happy,healthy,successful and in love one day. But above all else I want to be like my baby sister when i grow up.